MY.MIND :: Insane.Asylum
Monday, March 12, 2007
Dream?Am i mad for dreaming? not dream in the physical sense, but to dream of a tommorow? a tommorow where all is good, and fun, and vibrant, all yellow and filled with laughter? am i mad? crazy? a lunatic perhaps? i offer tehse demeaning words because i know i am not.
people around me always said that i have to be more optimistic, but in truth they themselves are pessimistic, and they hate my pessimitic nature because all they see is a reflection of it.
fine! this part of my life i can change, the law of attraction DOES say that if you're good and optimistic, all good things, fortune, money, everything good, will come to you. so i change. and optimism isnt as bad as it seems.
but now that i dream of soemthing far ahead of time, far ahead of me down the road, but now that i dream of something that even i believe will take a hurculean effort to undertake, but now that i dream of such things, you dare tell me the otherwise?
"dare to dream" is it? you say it such, but in truth you are chained by what we deem as "realistic" no, i dont even think you are chained, i believe you are clinging on the the damned chain. where has our childlike passion for adventure gone? where? had we allowed it to be burried under all the adversities we compiled to be the problems that we will face in the future?
we collect borchures, pamphlets, and hand outs that contain all our problems, and the absurd part of the thing is that these "problems" we collect before the time for it is even due, is in fact a billion hours ahead of time. yes. hours.
dont measure life in months, days, years. we have only too short the year. beucasue we only see the big picture, we neer see the intricate detail, the smaller time frames, a thousand and one things can be done in an hour. but still wecount days.
so why pile up the worries of the future? why worry bout ridding that pile of worries NOW, when we infact wont face them for a long, long time.
why even think of teh bad sides?
why not instead build up DREAMS. to hell with reality and being "realistic" there is nothing in this world that is good that did not start with a dreams. DREAM. dream of teh house we all rent, and live in. dream of teh rec room we will all stay in. dream of the friendship taht will last the whole two years separating us from that day. dream of moving in with your girl. dream of the fun you'll have on the silk sheets. DREAM!
dont be restrained by the stupidity of over analyzing. we are still children, and children have to dream. DREAM!
you tell em to dream, i dream.
but i expect you to dream with me
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Madness Part IIthat's it...
I'm done with what i disgracefully call "poems", for one thing i know that half of the things i wrote down mean nothing at all. just random words put together in a semi-comprehensible stanza. Maybe i never really meant it to be understood.
the one thing i really wanted out of a blog was a place to vent out all of my thoughts, and sometimes my emotions.
[Warning: If you don't want to read on and on and on about my views in relationships and the like. leave now. visit Youtube for the occasional interesting vid, or something.]
now now now, where to start, well... I have come to the point of realisation of "High school flings" are just gonna end in tragedy. sometimes even to the point htat the couple in question stop talking to each other completely. so far, I've been lucky in Calgary. had one girl, a very special one at that, and i think she still sees me as a friend. and at this thought, i smile and laugh.
but yeah, back to the point? I'm done. Dates? sure... I'll go (Call me.. XD).. but is there really a point in being involved in a relationship that's gonna fall apart anyways? If relationships are like companies that you KNOW are going to be bankrupt, you're not going to invest in it are you? same logic here. why start something when you know it's gonna end, in disaster at most.
but then again, if the company were to rise from it's little scrape with bankruptcy, the money you have invested would probably triple in quantity. (no I'm not a market expert. don't ask me for advice). same logic applied to relationships and the like. IF the relationship DOES succeed. (small chance of that from my experience). then the rewards would certainly be amazing.
but are we willing to take that risk? maybe, i know i WAS. but I'm NOT saying that i wont be taking any risks. cause' knowing me, i might be thinking this now, and when, in a few days i read this post over, I'm just gonna look at myself in the mirror and say.. WTF Were You On?
well, i mentioned it already in "Madness" but...
"Madness is often described as redoing a failure over and over again, but hoping for a different result to come out."
If that's the case, i think I'll stay SANE for a little while...
But then again, if things go right with C..
I just might get pushed into the madness that i now so desperately try to avoid
---------------------------------[Haunt me not ]
---------------------------------[Arvin Agtarap]
Look away madness
Haunt me not
To your hollow promises
I wont succumb
I will not fall
I will not fail
Till gracious Lady
'doth appear
And if she does
Lord help me so
Let madness flee
And Love Take Control
Let only the light of truth
surround us.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Madness
I am a recipient of madness, oft descibed as such,
To do something, again and again,
and to hope for anther outcome to be given
this is madness at it's simplest form
Ti's emotional, yetnot physically showing.
There were many times,
when my life seemed a mad, mad
rollercoaster of dreams.
but even this did not stop me,
of dreaming of a fair lady,
wo's love was everlasting.
Dear reader, do you not see?
the madness? the blasphemy?
from whence my torment
yet, abounds.
a dog, once punished,
will have strayed from the dirty habit.
But as as humans are like mules.
Our filthy habit?
That constitutes our madness?
it is this,
believing in love.
many times will man fall
many times will he crawl,
through the muddy torment that is,
heartbreak
but then, yet again
he find yet another woman
and he starts the hurtful cycle again.
for every relationship had,
he starts another one, hoping that,
it wont end as bitterly as before.
he might curse them as filthy whores
he will curse his foolis heart,
for he believes that it was it,
that caused his love, now seen as lust.
but again, after teh healing
he starts again,
without ever revealing
the scars that the former lady had cut.
but let me ask you this, my reader
my friend,
is this not a picture definition of mad men?
or is it jsut me that sees it as such.
i do no curse love,
for it's the only thing i have of hope,
save of course for god,
and a handful of friends.
but who could e'er reason?
the changing of the seasons?
as much as the ****ed up cycle called,
love.
they say love is blind,
and that i know is true.
but **** it, who really cares?
it's the lsut that we're after.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Something i randomly wrote down. :PA silent man he walks
A split onto the road
He feels so alone
Choosing...
Which path will he walk?
When will he take the fall?
He wants to seize the moment
Living...
But no...
It wont ever end here
Why cant he just turn back?
Exchange the present for the past?
Why cant he just say goodbye?
And leave them...
One path rugged and dirty
The other paved and clean
He spends a hundred days
Thinking....
A hundred more days pass
The second road, it seemed of glass
Chose the second one instead
That's right... insanity
KIA the records say
His dogtags display his name
The second road was rough
The end
He never reached it.
Random thoughts of death and misery
they all move round insde me
causing me to seem insane
and maybe a little emo
but i say no to that title
im just really really ****ed
Like me or not i wont ever care
that's just your thoughts
Your opinions they dont matter
My life, well, you probably wont remember
But I cant promise you'll enjoy life
while im alive
About This Blog
Name::Arvin A.
From::Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Regular Teen I guess... no one special.. i just like typing down stuff that pertains to what i think
View my complete profile
About Me
Name::Arvin A.
From::Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Regular Teen I guess... no one special.. i just like typing down stuff that pertains to what i think
View my complete profile
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